Are you a Bowling Slut?

What is your bowling bag? Are you loyal to one brand of bowling ball or you a brand slut? What is a brand slut? A brand slut was a term coined by Marian Salzman, an advertising executive, regarding someone who frequently switches brands.

In my four-ball bag are two Brunswick balls, an AMF ball and Lane #1 ball. In my garden which is home to the bowling graveyard are balls from Storm, Brunswick, Columbia, Ebonite and even a Dyno-Thane. Somewhere in my garage is a ball from Track.

I buy the ball that is best for my game and my wallet. So yes, I am proud to be a bowling slut.

Mediocre Marvin Comes to Bowling!

There is a trend in little league baseball and other sports to give all the children trophies, not just the winners. At a certain age, children must learn that there are winners and losers otherwise they will not grow up to handle life’s disappointments. Of course, they could join a league that pays five places for high average, high series and high game for both halves.

That’s right folks five places in three categories for a total of fifteen cash awards for each gender and a bowler can only cash once. Assuming in sixteen team mixed league that there is an even amount of men and women at thirty-two each then forty-six percent of each gender will win an individual award.

You do not have to be an accountant to realize mediocre scores will be rewarded.

Lane Courtesy! Where the hell did it go?

The two summers I coached bowling to teenage boys the first lesson was on lane courtesy. It does not matter if you can hook a ball 30 boards on an oil slick, without lane courtesy you are just an annoying bowler.

Lane courtesy extends beyond making sure you do not bowl if someone is on the lane to left and right of you. Courtesy is not standing on the lane waiting for your ball to come back. Courtesy is not eating a roast beef sandwich from the league holiday party while waiting in line to throw a practice ball. Just because it Christmas, Hanukkah or Kwanza does not mean you can bring food down on the lanes.

Oh yeah! Let’s include under lane courtesy, your entire team never being anywhere near the lane when it’s your turn to bowl. And then when you are a good half game behind the rest of the league, you ask the one bowler who happens to make an appearance at a scoring table in the 10th frame when it’s not their turn to find their bowler who is up turns. They then turn around and make a comment to their teammate that mocks your team. To make sure she makes her rudeness clear to your team she goes to the bar to get a drink when it is her turn. When she finally does bowl she asks, “Was that quick enough?” Of course that is after she walks off the lanes with shooting her fill ball in the 10th frame. When you tell her you would like to be home at a decent hour, she quits and then stands in the back pouting.